I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
