I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
