HIV tests are more positive than that guy
actually, I'm a sock model
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
