Do you still have your period?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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