I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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