I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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