She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
