Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
