dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
