Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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