Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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