The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
