I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
