Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize