apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
