Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
