i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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