Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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