Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
