Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
