So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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