Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize