I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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