If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
