There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
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