I wanna passion pit in your ass
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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