Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
