You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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