why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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