fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
