Im at strip club and am horny
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
