3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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