Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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