But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
