it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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