Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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