Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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