i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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