dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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