So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
