So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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