isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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