Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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