you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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