What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
