Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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