I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
false alarm. still invincible.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
