We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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