Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
