I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Randomize
