I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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