Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
