I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i will never coherently bang her
We need to rekindle our bromance
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
