I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
