I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
