if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
