I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
