so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
