hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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