I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
