Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
