I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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