I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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