Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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