im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
