you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
