cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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