A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
