I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
