Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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