No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
