half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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