hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
