1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
