he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
