How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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