I am puke
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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