so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
