She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
why is half of my head shaved?
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