I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
