Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
