I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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