So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
